Why not just have sex whenever, and with whomever, you want?
The obvious:
- VD
- Pregnancy
but I keep hearing (and keep seeing statistics) that indicate people continue to make decisions about sex that aren’t right for them.
So, continuing in the spirit of “I’m not telling you what your values are, but if your values are X, here is the right way to live”, please find below the corresponding listing.
Bear in mind also…I don’t consider the case of sex with condoms. Mainly, this is because the VD potential is still there, especially if you are having sex thousands of times. Second, for the vast majority of people, it is an inferior experience. Finally, outside of a very trusting relationship, the obvious potential for your partner to remove the condom or its contents is a significant concern.
If you want:
- Your health, at any age
- A family, at:
— Any age for a man
— Childbearing age for a woman, or if you intend to give live birth beyond that - To avoid pregnancy in certain situations:
— When your lover(s) are not people with whom you want to have kids and:
— You are a man with a pre-menopausal woman and want to have a family later/are not vasectomied
— You are a pre-menopausal woman and can’t/are not on birth control and are not willing to get an abortion
then you should not be having sex with anyone you don’t absolutely trust – that is, outside of a marriage-like relationship. Moreover, your partner can’t have a high body count (because a high body count means genital herpes) and you have to get tested before initiating.
It also has to be said: every partner you have is increasing the chances of you getting VD – and if you are asking a partner to commit to you for e.g. the duration of raising children – you are asking them to commit to someone who is going to hurt them at the outset. That’s not favorable.
Related: if you are looking to have a family and your current lover(s) are not people with whom you will be having kids – you have to make the decision, like with your career and your hobbies, of how much time you are going to spend with someone instead of finding your childrearing partner. If it is a great relationship otherwise, there’s really no downside in a society full of promiscuity; indeed, being monogamous is going to put you ahead of others, it’s more time efficient, likely you will have more sex, etc. Rather, it’s a question of opportunity cost and time; if it’s difficult to find someone with whom you can start a family, it only gets more difficult when instead you are investing time in other relationships.
If you aren’t in those situations, and you:
- Really like sex specifically, ahead of masturbation
- Are willing to get genital herpes, but nothing else significant
- Are willing to get a broken heart from time to time, but don’t want to be in or deal with an abusive relationship
- Are infertile (e.g. male with vasectomy, post-menopausal female), or are a female on birth control and are willing to abort
then it would make sense for you to have sex with multiple partners that you know well (but do not absolutely trust), or that you change every few months – with the caveat that you and them need frequent testing.
If beyond the above, you:
- Absolutely crave sex, more than other major life goals like retirement
- Are willing to accept getting infected with serious business (syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV)
- If male: willing to risk being used as a baby daddy and having to pay child support
- If female: willing to either abort the kids or accept pregnancy
then, if you truly understand the consequences of your actions and never think you will change your mind, you could choose to have promiscuous sex and accept the consequences. You should understand the gravity of this decision: it means you will feel pain, die younger, and be enslaved in ways you completely could avoid. You only choose this if sex with many partners/beautiful partners is the most important thing in your life and you never see that changing.